I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
