So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She bit a glass in half.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
