Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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