I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Hippo gnu deer
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
