shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
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