I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
