my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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