I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
only you would photoshop your dick
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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