Please, let me fuck your mom
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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