yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
