Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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