Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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