That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
