you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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