6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Let the clothes fall where they may.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
