yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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