3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
