Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
