Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
