Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
