So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
