FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
