You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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