Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
