we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
