Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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