Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am naked and annoyed.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
