so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
