WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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