dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
