i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
