he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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