hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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