I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
