3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
