Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
