...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
