The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
