Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
