Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
