It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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