if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
