That's when you crack a 10am beer
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
