You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
