she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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