Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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