Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
false alarm. still invincible.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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