I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
