A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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