a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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